U Don Know Shi~

Parched for a Tuesday nite beer?

Feel like getting your ’sing’ on?

Have we got a deal for you, dear shi~head.

!The Reagle Beagle

!* KAREE-OH-KEE PARTEE *!

I happenstanced into this Tuesday hoedown while walking home a few weeks ago.

It is a true Winnipeg experience.

The VLT’s were pumpin’ & the semi flat draught beer was flowin’ freely. Tuesday is Karaokee nite so the out of tune country music was in full force.

I knew what had to be done.
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Friends in low places.
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In an attempt to mentally prepare myself for my moment on the mic; I stopped by the restroom.

Evidence of wreckless mayhem was everywhere.!.!.

A Commando iz loose in tha bar#!#!#!#!

Shaken; I stirred the courage to belt out my song to a captivated room of true music fans….

BOTTOM LINE:

This is a blow yer gitch off good time^!

I was at the Albert in Winnipeg, hoping to review a show. Due to the nature of the music, I decided to produce this short guide to running a successful frat rock band.

Step 1 – Music

Write some shitty songs that sound like your favorite band crossed with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. There is no genre that slap bass can not be added to.

Then take off your shirts and do every rock move you saw on your favorite Blink 182 DVD.

Also, make sure to mention that you were 'soooo f*cked up...' when you wrote your shitty songs. Hardcore.

Step 2 – Fans

You have to, have to, have to invite ur parents. If you happen upon a frat rock show, you’ll be able to spot the parents by their age, digital camera and general discomfort when the lead singer tells everyone he was fuct on coke when he wrote this one.

Parents. Check!

Step 3 – Image

We’ve already covered the main factors of shirts off and backwards hats, but lets not forget a skin routine.

Make sure to get the grease out before you hit the stage...

Voila*!

Frat Rock at the bar; cuzz keggers and house parties won’t get you to the top.

Question:

What’s cheaper: Spray Paint or Posters?

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Answer:

Spray Paint:

Now an Annual Event

Who’s NOT going?

Last week a breezed into a party at the Royal Albert.

On the stage: Victoria’s Metal Men : : : : : Archon Legion.

Beckoning lord sat@n with sweep picking

When I went to write this post I got to thinking: “What does Archon Legion mean?”

Well… I found this description, which (if ur too lazy to clik on the link) was basically::

In pre-4th edition versions of the Dungeons & Dragons role-playing game, archons are a type of lawful good celestial

But hey, metal is often pretty nerdy.

So anyway…

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They made me wish I lived in the era of ripped jeans, maiden hair and parking lot metal.  Nothing says party like chicks in 80s jeans and hairspray afterall.

Word on the street is that they had got a better drummer and a 3rd guitar player since their last visit to Winnipeg & thus, didn’t suck anymore

Bottom Line: If 80’s riffage and man wails is your thing, please go check ‘em out.  they’re on tour with Winnipeg’s maiden power ghost -> Evil Survives <- for another week.

Some say that Winnipeg is where old music comes to die.

Don’t believe it.

The greatest of nu-metal lives on in the hearts of fans around the city. Check out this abs0lute devotion I saw on the str33tz today:

a.d.i.d.a.s. bitchezzz winnipeg k0rn~> NAySHUNN!

Thank you young graffito tagger. I had forgot that shi~ exi$ted.

Strap on ur kiltz; tie you dredz up; enjoy this:

November 30th 2009 – Winnipeg’s revamped West End Cultural Center was the site of rocking, rolling and dudes singing about feelings. It was my first visit to the West End Cultural center since it’s make over and I must say; Volunteers suck at pouring beer. Look at this shi~ >

$4 for some d!ck to pour a glass of foam - then $uccessfully empty a 1/4 of the actual beer he managed to get out*!

I will take part of the blame for this beer fiasco. I bought a Bulldog Amber Ale. Like many a Winnipegers it’s a tough pour.

As for the bands…..

Passenger Action
I’m listening to the myspace page right now. I’d have to say I like them better recorded than I did last night. They’re kinda like Moneen meets awkward changes & guitar delay. They are better than the UK Passenger Action 4 sho. I miss Choke.

Edmontonians + Tech-space-punk = ~7.68/10

Sights and Sounds
I didn’t realize this band had Winnipeg roots & I wish them the best, but daaamnn. Musically boring; though the white-belt, flat iron, eunuch children seemed to like them. Maybe I’m out of touch. Touch them on your space.

Winnipeggers who should stick to h@rdcore = ~5.11/10

Moneen
I saw these guys when they were young, drop kicking maniacs. Although they’ve grown up and focused their energy more on playing the right notes; Moneen still rocks (as much as this genre lets them).

The addition of laptops, keyboards and extra floor toms for everyone didn’t even seem pretentious. It added to layers to their songs and brought the crowd in. Kenny still manged some guitar spins & high kicks and that hippie still has those stank dreads.

Still artfully explosive = ~8.98/10