U Don Know Shi~

I was at the Albert in Winnipeg, hoping to review a show. Due to the nature of the music, I decided to produce this short guide to running a successful frat rock band.

Step 1 – Music

Write some shitty songs that sound like your favorite band crossed with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. There is no genre that slap bass can not be added to.

Then take off your shirts and do every rock move you saw on your favorite Blink 182 DVD.

Also, make sure to mention that you were 'soooo f*cked up...' when you wrote your shitty songs. Hardcore.

Step 2 – Fans

You have to, have to, have to invite ur parents. If you happen upon a frat rock show, you’ll be able to spot the parents by their age, digital camera and general discomfort when the lead singer tells everyone he was fuct on coke when he wrote this one.

Parents. Check!

Step 3 – Image

We’ve already covered the main factors of shirts off and backwards hats, but lets not forget a skin routine.

Make sure to get the grease out before you hit the stage...

Voila*!

Frat Rock at the bar; cuzz keggers and house parties won’t get you to the top.

Well, now that I’ve officially entered the blogosphere, maybe now CNN will start taking me seriously.

My first report from the mean streets of winnipeg brings be to the classic Times Change(d) – high and Lonesome Club.

I found the clientele that I expected. There was a nice mix of old young, hip and grizzly prospectors all around.  As you can see, plaid was in full effect that night.

The first three people on earth to install Willie Nelson ringtones on to their iPhones.

If Elmer Fudd and Lady Gaga had a baby, this is the show it would’ve gone to after they eventually banished it to Winnipeg.

Performing that night were Ultra Mega and Andrew Neville and the Poor Choices.

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CAREFUL!!! THE VIDEO’S LOUD CUZ I’M A RANK AMATEUR

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As far as Ultra Mega goes, they feature garage rock stylings and wu-tang covers that you can trick militant anti-hip-hoppers into liking. It’s the perfect music to put on a mixtape for that chick in your first year psych course that always wears t-shirts featuring cartoon characters from the 80’s. It tells her that the only thing you love more than hip hop, is local indy rock and coffee shop style irony.

Very tasty tunes.

And Andrew Neville and the Poor Choices  were great too. Not being a country fan myself, I still like their music because the lyrics are simply and funny, and the can really get a crowd going. Its excellent background music for drinking beers in the backyard when you should be at work.

The venue again, wasn’t bad overall, but the bar that resembled a slighty more stocked than the average T-cones basement rumpus room and that fact that there was more random shit on the walls then the inside of a monkey cage was slightly off-putting. Granted a lot of it was show posters and stuff like that but some corners looked like that A&E show hoarders.

Summary::: weird but workable venue – a very eclectic crowd of flannel wearing call centre workers and alcoholic retail managers, and two very capable bands.

AAAAAAAHhhh, now that I am a blogger I do feel more important.

It feels good.

Like a slurpy on a hot day; or narcissism.

I wasn’t going to review this show; but it’s been a slow week and I already had the pic$.

My main mayne Gregwar was in from T.O. and we were roaming town looking for something to do. We ended up at the Pyramid Caberet for cheap shots and ‘rock and roll’.

First up was Jicah; who’s songs reminded me of (long forgotten) pop rockers Space Hog
. Their acoustic driven songs made me think of holding hands with a hippie chick and running through a wheat field. Take that for what you will…

Runnin' just as fast as we can, can, can can

Score
6 / 10 from this guy —> probably 7.5 / 10 from a guy who likes this shi

Royal Canoe was up next and; in the name of Winnipeg music scene incest; had half the members of Jicah.

I’m listening to the myspace right now; trying to piece together what I thought of their sound.

This was the point where Gregwar dropped by the shots office. He couldn’t believe how cheap booze is in Winnipeg thus… no picture of the band.

This kid loved them so much he stared at his I-phomo for most of their set:

Score:
8 for musicianship
4 for originality

Now for the main event: The Waking Eyes*!

Ok. You play keyboards, I stay on bass. Mikey you're on shaker.

Sooooo the bass player & drummer from Jicah were still on the stage and the other fella$ switched instruments. Did they always have a keyboard?

At this point I was too Jagerbombed to give an accurate rating. I do remember wanting to fist f#ck the guy that told me this was a rock show. Check out their myspace and make your own call.

These hipsters kinda liked it:

I wi$h we had more blow...

Highlites
- Seeing Gregwar
- Getting Drizzzunk