U Don Know Shi~

Takin’ another kick at the Junior’s Review can; my last attempt was stunted by some guy mumblin’ & rolling around on the floor.

This time it was a smoooooth sailin’. Sure, there was an overweight guy b*tchin’ loudly about not getting dates (and startrek plot holes) but at least I had time to try the burger.

THE FAT BOY

E3t it fast enough & yer heart might not stop

What’s on it?

• Burger
• Mayo
• pickles
• onion
• tomahto
• chilli
• Ketchup
• Mustard

In another town you might call this bomb the monster. Coupled with fries & a cola you can set your wallet to be $8 lighter.

Your stomach…

Burstin’ at the seams.
.
.
!

Mine was anyway.

I managed to eat the burger & 89% of the fries. The food slapped my brain with echos of ‘greasy spoon’ and left my body the kind of full that makes you dizzy & tired.

BOTTOM LINE:
1 / 10 on the vegan pussbag charts
8.2 / 10 on the burger scale
9.5 / 10 on the hangover buster meter

A True Winnipeg Classic

I was waiting for a coffee the other day when I realized I’d let the Office douche segment of this blog slide a bit.

So here you are:

Let thar bee douchieness^*!

This fresh specimen of office life hitz the douche scale in 4 key areas:

1. Shoes – every office ‘bag needs a shiny pair of square toes – CHECK!
2. Belt + Tuck – from the lunch room to the church pew, a must
3. Notebook — for pretending to listen at useless meetings. Notice the firm grasp of eagerness!
4. Biz Casual Dress shirt – notice the one undone button. It was a friday after all!*

How many years until he loses that eager glow?

Another strike from the Winnipeg Streetz…

Is it a bird?

Is it a plane?

Nope.

It’s a grown man on a little kids bike; pedaling like he just stabbed his cousin’z gf at the rental.

I managed to catch this guy obeyin’ traffic lightz:

I'z added a loop of fire to make his bike more sensible...

ITS OFFICIAL: The big bike / little wheels trend is over.

Will the big man little bike catch one?

Holy Shi~*!

It was a late night of binge drinkin’ when I rolled past Giant Pizza and decided to stop by for a bite.

Hmmmm.... thinkz I'll get the Pepperoni

This place is a classic sign of the neighborhood.

• cheap chicken
• cheap pizza
• cheap prices

I opted for the 2 slices of GIANT PIZZA*! for 2.50$.

that'z not very Giant

REVIEW:
It was 4 definite heat lamp cooked. Toppings were well distributed and the crust wasn’t too doughy. After 9 Lucky lagers it is delish. Otherwise, I would recommend trying to get it fresh.

Bottom Line:
You get what you pay for.

It’s been awhile since we delved in the douchery of downtown Winnipeg’s office culture, so I went on a special mission to find a hero.

Ever wonder who your tax $$$ employs?

I’m thinking; this guy:

We can't all be number 1

If you’re gonna wade through the shi~ of the civil service you want them pants pulled high.  

ALSO : : His slouchy posture and scruffy face make sure he doesn’t stand out and reassures you that he’ll keep things moving at the status quo.

As a part of our ongoing coverage of that guy that looks like Yanni; I bring you his Spring / Summer look:

Pull yer shorts high & let the hair blow in the breeze

This year’s collection combines thrift store aquamarine with a hard edge of hiking boots. He glides effortlessly down the sidewalk while he searches for an oboe melody in his mind.

MMA has swept the nation and mobilized douchbags back into the gym to ‘work on the ground game’; but what happend to the real shi~?

You know… pro wrestling.  Costumes, characters ,  neck shattering top rope action*^!?!?!?

Enter New Brand Wrestling.

Devestating wrestle-crap from Mask Angellos & the family

Saturday’s event was up on the marquee at the Ellice Theatre.  As a childhood wrestle fan and resident of the neighborhood, it was my duty to check this shi~ out.

The card had all the ‘must have’ events:

• some ‘jobber matches’ where minor players duke it out
• a belt match – for the inter-provincial title of course
• the 20 man, over the top, rope battle royale

Although the stage was barely big enough for the ring, the crowd took no notice.  Little kids cheered for the good guys and jeered at the bad guys (often with some tiny middle fingers when yelling couldn’t completely get the point across).

There was an easy to h8, evil goth guy; a fan favorite (in sparkley trunks) and Winnipeg legend ::: the Great Pepito.

At the end of the night everyone who had fought and settled their scores returned to the ring for the battle royale.

Ohhhh tha carnage*#!

19 men entered.

1 Walked away.

and I forget his name, but he (fo r3al!) deserved the belt.

Bottom Line: A loser would call this event out of shape & overweight men living out their TV fantasies.  I would call it awesome*^!  This was theatre in its purest form.  There was drama, heckling and the potential to witness a life changing injury.

Word on the street is the next card is June 12th 2010 at the Ellice Theatre

Since our 4-20 Winnipeg review the emails have been comin’ in.  Apparently I missed some choice w3ed-heads in the bleary eyed crowd.

Like this Guy:

Prince Fan? Vampire? Lo$er>?!

Also voted ‘ most likely to shoot up the high school 2009′ we’re probably lucky this fella is on the dope.

The silver chains and loops on this shotgun hiding ensemble both add flair and prove useful when attempting to dock to fat goth chixz.

Bonus points for the matching purple homey-tail elastic.

I was on the bus from downtown admiring the beautiful pplz of winnerpeg when

!* BAM *!

There he was:

'Chameleons vary greatly in size and body structure' - Weinerpedia

This particular species appears to sweat profusely and is assumed to have taste for fried foods and anime. He appeared calm and undisturbed by the smell of pi$$ on the buss.

r best and brightest

Smoke date: April 20th, 2010.

A bunch of sweaty hippies, high school kidz and folks of the lower echelon of Winnipeg’s IQ pool gather for a ‘protest’ in the name of weed.

There wuz a drum circle:

Maaaaaaan... that groove is, like Dave Matthews good#!^

Finally.  An excuse to wear tie dye and that weed logo addidas shirt your mom doesn’t know about.

The only thing more present than the smell of mariwhana was the smell of B.O. and wheat grass. Most notably by the ‘fire dancers’ and hoola hoop dreadfest.

Life is is is is is a circle we all share

There is nothing more beautiful than a woman with hairy pits and a hoola hoop.

.

The smartest hot dog cart guy in town set up shop in front of the ledge, guaranteeing he can take the next 5 days off.

No 4.20$ dealz; regular price bitchezzz

This party was a definite excuse to skip last period and get high.  However there was one group I noticed that seemed to be abstaining from the festivities.

Can we taze 'em now? how about now?....

So there you have it.

420.

Weed still isn’t legal or decriminalized.  Downtown wuz flooded with people craving cheetos and far from their suburban ‘hood.  

The lawn of legislature was a f*ckin’ mess.

I can feel tha change happenin'. 'The man' is listenin' man