U Don Know Shi~

The stress of life gets to the best of us.

Is there beer in the fridge and Kraft Dinner on the table?

Did the guard dog slobber on your cousin’s baby when you weren’t looking?

Maybe you’re just worried your lil’ sister is preggo with that ‘gangster f*ck’s baby.

One solution.

Three Ingredients.

Chicken.

A team sized Slurpee.

& yer outdoor voice to bitch about your problems.

Can u belief he sayd tha 2 me*!?

Done.

Girls night out at Chicken Delight.

I dropped by Juniors downtown yesterday to review the Fat boy for our ever popular lunch reviews section.

Unfortunately the burger experience was overshadowed by this guy:

He kept asking ‘Why are you dancing?’ and other shi~ that only Winnipeg’s finest can throw down.

But don’t worry… I’ll try again soon.

It’s been awhile since we delved in the douchery of downtown Winnipeg’s office culture, so I went on a special mission to find a hero.

Ever wonder who your tax $$$ employs?

I’m thinking; this guy:

We can't all be number 1

If you’re gonna wade through the shi~ of the civil service you want them pants pulled high.  

ALSO : : His slouchy posture and scruffy face make sure he doesn’t stand out and reassures you that he’ll keep things moving at the status quo.

As a part of our ongoing coverage of that guy that looks like Yanni; I bring you his Spring / Summer look:

Pull yer shorts high & let the hair blow in the breeze

This year’s collection combines thrift store aquamarine with a hard edge of hiking boots. He glides effortlessly down the sidewalk while he searches for an oboe melody in his mind.

MMA has swept the nation and mobilized douchbags back into the gym to ‘work on the ground game’; but what happend to the real shi~?

You know… pro wrestling.  Costumes, characters ,  neck shattering top rope action*^!?!?!?

Enter New Brand Wrestling.

Devestating wrestle-crap from Mask Angellos & the family

Saturday’s event was up on the marquee at the Ellice Theatre.  As a childhood wrestle fan and resident of the neighborhood, it was my duty to check this shi~ out.

The card had all the ‘must have’ events:

• some ‘jobber matches’ where minor players duke it out
• a belt match – for the inter-provincial title of course
• the 20 man, over the top, rope battle royale

Although the stage was barely big enough for the ring, the crowd took no notice.  Little kids cheered for the good guys and jeered at the bad guys (often with some tiny middle fingers when yelling couldn’t completely get the point across).

There was an easy to h8, evil goth guy; a fan favorite (in sparkley trunks) and Winnipeg legend ::: the Great Pepito.

At the end of the night everyone who had fought and settled their scores returned to the ring for the battle royale.

Ohhhh tha carnage*#!

19 men entered.

1 Walked away.

and I forget his name, but he (fo r3al!) deserved the belt.

Bottom Line: A loser would call this event out of shape & overweight men living out their TV fantasies.  I would call it awesome*^!  This was theatre in its purest form.  There was drama, heckling and the potential to witness a life changing injury.

Word on the street is the next card is June 12th 2010 at the Ellice Theatre

I was on the bus from downtown admiring the beautiful pplz of winnerpeg when

!* BAM *!

There he was:

'Chameleons vary greatly in size and body structure' - Weinerpedia

This particular species appears to sweat profusely and is assumed to have taste for fried foods and anime. He appeared calm and undisturbed by the smell of pi$$ on the buss.

r best and brightest

Smoke date: April 20th, 2010.

A bunch of sweaty hippies, high school kidz and folks of the lower echelon of Winnipeg’s IQ pool gather for a ‘protest’ in the name of weed.

There wuz a drum circle:

Maaaaaaan... that groove is, like Dave Matthews good#!^

Finally.  An excuse to wear tie dye and that weed logo addidas shirt your mom doesn’t know about.

The only thing more present than the smell of mariwhana was the smell of B.O. and wheat grass. Most notably by the ‘fire dancers’ and hoola hoop dreadfest.

Life is is is is is a circle we all share

There is nothing more beautiful than a woman with hairy pits and a hoola hoop.

.

The smartest hot dog cart guy in town set up shop in front of the ledge, guaranteeing he can take the next 5 days off.

No 4.20$ dealz; regular price bitchezzz

This party was a definite excuse to skip last period and get high.  However there was one group I noticed that seemed to be abstaining from the festivities.

Can we taze 'em now? how about now?....

So there you have it.

420.

Weed still isn’t legal or decriminalized.  Downtown wuz flooded with people craving cheetos and far from their suburban ‘hood.  

The lawn of legislature was a f*ckin’ mess.

I can feel tha change happenin'. 'The man' is listenin' man

This… is a great day. I’ve finally got a photo of Yanni-peg.

BEHOLD*!

Hair blowin' in the wind; Music in his memories

There have been many days when Yanni-peg and I have crossed paths but I have been to awe-struck to get a clear photo.

Alas… I have two <3

If you don’t know who Yanni is, I recommend you check out these great Yanni moments.

The dirty thaw is done and we’re taking our lunch reviews to the streets of Winnipeg.

It’s Hot Dog Cart Season*^!

The street meat hoth cumm

We’re kickin’ off the dog days of downtown with Awesome Dog at Portage and Carlton.

My initial impression was ‘Using awesome in your cart name is setting the bar pretty high buddy’.

Then he asked if I wanted a white or whole wheat bun.

That.

is Awesome^!

Check the fully stocked, no BS condiment rack:

Scoop / Spread / Squirt 2 ur pleasure

So 5$ and 5 minutes later I was presented with this beauty:

Countdown to heartburn begin in 3... 2... 1...

The dog itself was peppery, but not over stated. Also it seemed fairly lean (given the fact that it a hot dog). I have a feeling this cart this cart has set a high standard for the hot dog reviews to come.

Hot Dog Score: 8.7 /10
Overall Lunch Score: 6 / 10 (6 is the max score a hot dog can receive)

The Sergent is a downtown staple.  Though he usually hangs out in the exchange around the Albert, I was surprised to $pot him at the corner of Hargrave and St Mary’s Ave.

My cup; shesa empty...

Note: though he’s always looking for a room for the night, he usually can’t tell you what direction the Salvation Army is.

Don’t bother trying to bum a schmoke off him.  He’s always out.

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KNOW YOUR SHI~