U Don Know Shi~

Have you ever gone to Taco Time or Taco Bell?

Ever got your food and been all “WTF is ‘di$ garbage!?”

I have.

It makes me sad inside and out.

For years I was left wondering ‘Where can a guy get a good burrito in this town?’

Enter… Casa Burrito. They set up shop on Portage Ave across from the University of Winnipeg ~ a year ago.

So whupadilly wit dis chilli? Check it:

Burrito & a Big window to watch duh freakz

So this huge Bean & Cheese burrito + mangolicious Jarrito drink cost $9.61.

They’ve also got soy burger for team veg; chicken for team poulet & steak for the steak folk. Nachos’s & some other shi~ are also on the menu; but it’s a Burrito place damnit!

Rice / Beans / Tomato / Onion / Salsa / Cheese / Sour Creme'!

Service speed depends on how busy it is; music is dub / hip hop / university friendly; food is pretty damn good. I think they also deliver if you live downtown but (since I prefer lunch out of the office) I’ve never called them on it.

They make the food with varying levels of spice so the whitest of white can still enjoy a Mexican delight.

Score: 8.4 /10

Back on the Lunch Review hue; I gripped my loose change and forced my way into City Place.

Ain’t no party like a food court party*! and since I’m pro-party I opted for the Samosa Hut. It’s middle eastern food made by the same friendly people at Taste of India.

mmmmmm neon Samosa

It curry warms my heart to see Indian food available beside a Subway. AND! Since all the office douchebags are in line at the Subway you can walk right up and order.

For ~10$ I got the Chaka Masala, Veg Korma, rice, salad, naan bread and a cola.

Just 'cuz it looks like a drippy baby diaper dont mean it isn't deeeelish*!

There are other combos; like 2 samosa and something for $5 or 3 dishes for like a dollar more but I decided to keep it relatively light.

For you fowl fiends out there, butter and tandori chicken is available.  They also usually have some sort of lamb/pork product.

Bottom Lines: The food is pretty damn good and is cheaper than the other location.  Downside would be that you’re in a food court and scab faced mf’s like this dude will probably be lurking at the table beside you.

"mumble mumble mumble muthafuck mumble mumble"

Final Score:
8.2/10 for food

5.7/10 for environment

Today’s review is a breakfast special.  Yeah, we do lunch reviews, but breakfa$t IS the most important meal of the day.

Since I rarely eat breakfast (there is no time to eat while sleepily chasing a bus) this one comes from a recent business trip OUTSIDE THE PERIMETER?!?!!??!

That’s it; back to Brandon.

My legal advisor and I needed a down-low place to discuss the dangerous legal issues that plague modern genius.  Where better, than the Brandon Inn?

1 of the 2 places in downtown Brandon you can actually eat

Notice the breakfast special painted on the window.

Could this deal possibly be true?

The interior of the place is a bit… ummm… dated.  With a real wilderness vibe that speaks to the ironic moustache in me.  Check it:

WOLF P0W#R MuTHrrucka*!

See that lil’ guy in the photo?

That was our waiter.

Damn fine service if I’ve ever received it.  His Dad does the cookin’, he runs the orders and his little bro takes the ca$h.  A true family run operation*!

But how is the food?

Yes. This was under $5; Eat that big city*!

Greasy.

Breakfast.

You hung over?

3 cups of coffee and this breakfast will reset life as you know it in about 28 minutes.

Can’t beat the price point either.  Lawyers are expensive, so a $10 meal for 2 is a f*ckin’ aces.

Score: 7.7/10

Warning: Probably not the best dining experience for vegimites or stuck up chain restaurant children.  But who give’s a f*ck about them anyway.

I decided to indulge my inner grease fiend and head to Pizza Hut downtown; hoping to score a fu#ck do I feel fat lunch buffet experience.

Can you smell the stuffed cru$t excitement?*!?

As I walked up York Avenue i noticed that some clever lil’ prankster had spray painted black over the Pizza Hut logo. Since Winnipeg has a long, rich history of bikes and anarchy I didn’t think much of it.

I figured some dreadlocks with messenger bags had got all Kalle Lasn on the place.

:

:

:

:

not! a 'culture Jam' - pizza sadness

Then I saw the brown paper on the windows; and…

::: THE SIGN :::(

WHY L0rd Je$us WHY~!?

Not to be a band-standing r3@tard; but doesn’t we’z not have enough abandon buildings downtown!?!

Maybe Chicago Phil’s just merked another competitor*?

Nope.

Bankruptcy.

Where the shi~ am I gonna get dessert pizza*!?

SCORE: 0 / 5

Keeping the lunch reviews in view; I decided to eat at The Fyxx on Broadway @ Donald.

This place is a floor to ceiling dining experience.  a.k.a. big windows to watch the freakz and douchie’s that make up the cultural mosaic of downtown Winnipeg.

I ordered the chicken wrap w/a caesar salad & a regular coffee.  Since I’m a nice guy I threw a $2 tip in their for the hard working staff.

Total cost: $14.79.

hmmmmmm…….

This better be good shi~.

I realize a good lunch with real ingredients is gonna cost some $crilla, but adding on the 35 cent debit card fee is kinda tacky.

But that’s just the cheapo Winnipegger in me.

The office can d1ne for $62.99*^!

Prices aside;  How was the food:?!

Powering lawyers & bureaucrats since 2001

ITEM A ::: The Wrap:

• Chicken
• tomato
• cucumber
• olives
• something (probably mayo)

Alright. There is a lot of chicken; its tender; its in a wrap.  My socks are still firmly attached to my feet.

ITEM B ::: The Salad

• romaine
• croutons
• dressing
• more dressing

Pretty good.  If you’re watching the lbs you’re looking at some extra time on the stair master, so try the garden salad.

ITEM C ::: The Coffee

Pretty bad.  For a place that makes it’s name & signage off the concept of a coffee bar; horrible.  Tasted burnt, like it had been on the element since open.  Opt for a fresh brew Americano or some shi~.

Conclusion -> My Clue in…………………………………………………………………….

This place is aimed at the higher spending office crowd.   Office Joe Whitebread might think it’s awesome, but for the price and the “meh” flavors I’m not sure it’s worth it.

Score: 6.66 / 10

Well, we’ve made the mistake; acknowledged St. James as a part of the Winnipeg map.

We may as well cover more than Salisbury House.

Here it is: The Airport Motor Hotel.

Since a Trip Advisor reviewer called it the worst hotel ever; I figure I may as well just skip ’round back to the lounge.

Reppin' it old skool :: Pepsi wave and some garden lattice

So how’z this $hakedown?*!?

PRO: This place supports BOTH OV and the Bombers.

It'z like watching beautiful people have s3xx

PRO: They support the arts.

Cumm and see the nutcr@cker*!*!

PRO: They’re loyal to their customers.

Any bar that dedikatz tables to its patrons is EH-O-K. RIP Banker (2009)

PRO: You could win big.

Als0 note the fyne art on tha wall

PRO: Hotty (possibly plural) who luvv OV.

CON: They Close at 6 on Sunday’s. If you’re their to watch football, you’re outta luck.

So overall you’re looking at a 4 to 1 PRO movement. From what my memory can conjure; beer was moderately priced and they’ve got a great customer service plan in place.

Simply push the button on the right and wait...

As you all know (and love); we do downtown restaurant reviews.

Today, partly due to some recent anger mail, and in the name of Fair and Balanced reporting, we’re going to venture into the progressive mecca that is St. James…

Where better to start than the Winnipeg hallmark; Salisbury House?

Yes. This photo was taken in 2010.

Salisbury house has been serving Winnipeggers red cake and moderate food for a long time now. As you all may or may not know, it is a heavy favorite for heavy singer/songwriter Burton Cummings. I was lucky enough to dine at the Ellice Salisbury location.

It’s a place for lovers.

2 blue pills & a nip will getz her everytime

It’s a place for the lonely.

I wish I hadn't taken those blue pillz

It’s a place for Winni’s.

If udonknowshi~ -> a winni is a hotdog

If you’ve never been. Don’t think raci$m when you see ‘Nips’ on the menu. It means hamburger and isn’t meant to offend. Although the nip was a temping offer, I went with the Winni.

Proof.

Good advertising works.

But iz it as deelish as it l00ks?!

Total cost on the Wini-plate and the coffee is about 10$. For that, you get a cheezy, onion loaded hotdog that tastes o.k.

The crinkle cut fries were white potato wonderz and coleslaw salad made me gag. However, the salad gag is not their fault; I can’t eat cold mayo. I am barely a man.

I would rate it 2 points above a hot dog cart; as my a$$ didn’t explode an hour later.

Bottom Line: Salisbury House is usually open 24 hours. If you stack this up against Perkins; its a gawd damn 5 star experience. Otherwise, you might want to look elsewhere.

What’z ur favorite Salisbury House experience/food/gaging story?

Don’t you hate those downtown days when you don’t know where to go for lunch?

Sometimes you just don’t want to get out there and adventure. I was having one of them days when I decided to find out if Soup’s Sandwiches and More (located on Graham Ave.) was dehli-cious or not.

The name reflectz the 'no-frill$' approach ; no?

First of all; the place is bigger than it looks from the outside. It stretches deep into the strip mall core so you should be able to grab a seat.

The menu is… pretty much what the sign says. The ‘and more…’ part refers to wraps/muffins/all that other cafeteria style shi~ you would/should expect from a bizna$$ d-bag zone.

I opted to keep it dehli (though there was a whole menu of veggie wraps etc):

• Corn Beef / Cheese / Lettuce Sammie
• Manitoba made Old Dutch Chips (baked – for yo waistline
• Pickle
• Sprite

Holye shi~*! It's hard to make a sandwich exciting

Not much to say on this one.

The order process is a bit chaotic but the food was ready quick; They had hot mustard; It didn’t make me sick; I got the chance to pollute my brain with the Winnipeg Sun for free.

Overall Score(s):
6 (by me)
8.5 (by the boring officer worker in me)

Peanuts & Corn Records; Winnipeg rap veterans; celebrated 15 years “in the game” on Monday night (dec 28 2k9) at the Lo Pub.

It was apparent when we got there that shi~ was gonna get major; This chick was knitting:

Bloww~! Bloww>! Purled Ladder stitchez Bitchez

Yarn & ironic glasses aside; this show was brought to us by Mass Appeal (DJ’s Kutdown and Kinetic) as part of their Monday night Rap throwdown. If you like rap; these guys know it. Drop by on a Monday night.

Show opened up with Yy (pronounced Y-eye) around 11 (because rap shows always start late).

Winnipeg's slap-choppuh of tha syllables

Yy busted out some old songs and dropped a couple new ones off his upcoming P & C release. Look for one with “Pain for punishment” as the chorus.

–
Schmoke Break
–
Pip Skid was up next and brought the energy up with him. Skizzy was lookin’ all respon$ible with a full head of hair and smile on his face.

Slam it don't sip... ---> Preach on Poppa Pip*!

His set rolled heavy with a short cover of ‘Beth’ by KISS; a Wynrush appearance and $ome real Marathon of Dope shi~.

# People with glasses may or may not have approved #

Up next; Farm Fresh. The Peanuts and Corn originators.

0riginal Prairie Emcee's Mc'in

They brought the noise; all the old faves; squared off and bassed out. The crowd thinned a little, but the core remained on hand to remember with their ears.

Overall Score: 8.2 / 10 – Rap on brah

If you’ve been with us for a while now; we’ve covered celebrities, Google streetview in Winnipeg and lunch downtown.

But where’s the drinks?

Ladies and gentleman; I bring you: Minhaus Lime

Discount Manitoba beer with a distinctly watered down finish

Minhaus was a late entry into this summers’ ‘lime in beer’ craze. At a hard hitting retail price of under $8/6 pack -> how could you go wrong?

• Good ask.

You can’t. You want to drink. This will get you drunk.

Upside: It kinda tastes like they fermented sprite into drunkeness. Sooo at least it doesn’t taste as raw as Minhaus regular.

Downside: It’s only 4.9% booze, so you may want to go for something stronger if you’re looking for more than a winter pee.