U Don Know Shi~

I managed to talk a small group of fellow shi~headz into attending a Winnipeg Goldeyes game & girl o’boy was we in for a treat.

Hottest.

B1tchez..

Eva…

When they sing take me out the ball game, it’s hard to feel a lil’ Louisville Slugger in tha ol’ sweat pantz…

Kno wha a meen(!(!*!?

Imagine that Big tush squeezin’ up beside you as you ride the 11 over to Juniors for a phat boy; her mullet blowin’ in the wind. Feather earrings gently flowin’ like yer favorite Kilowatt track on dusky porch…

**sigh**

Honestly, I’m not sure why I even write text for the Office Douche of the week posts anymore. too often; the picture speaks for itself.
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get
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Ready*!
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When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuggn' tell

• Bible Belt chic haircut - sweeeet burnz
• pencil thin belt (4 a penc1l dykk l1fstyle)
• key card – so b!tchez no you got access

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This guy won his Douche-tastic title by talking about his VW and being an a$shat to his wife & kid <<
(see suburban stroller style in the BG)
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Last post, I took a final look at womens fashion in Winnipeg (where winter is concerned).

So b4 we take the hot leap forward into summer, here’s one for that fella’s……

Winter Warrior *!($)!*

This mf pretty much has. it. NAILED#^!

1. The Suit: – All weather – Insulated – with tear away pants & a sick a$$ racing stripe down the side. aka donfukwitdis*^!
2. Head Gear: – $5 sunglasses battle snow blindness while a wool hat to keep the heat in
3. Headphones: – yes, technically could fall under item 2; but are important enough to get it’s own point. Metal is his life blood.

+2 for the ’stache that lets anyone asking for your change, or used bus transfer know they got to back up & shut up.

Bring on tha summer!!!!

Winter iz almost over (cross fingerz / pray)

But for the sake of ensuring’ yer ready for next year’s cold as shi~ spell; here’s a guid to how to dress.

For Her.

Stay warm & ok looking

The Loook :::

1. Skinny jeans. Body shape is never a consideration.
2. Parka with fur or faux fur trim. Bad for peripheral vision; great for facial warmth.
3. Backpack (preferably janSport or Spotek) to carry you’re feminist poetry and cheap ass beer or wine.
4. Coffee cup for tea; or coffee with hard booze in it (its cold afterall)

Total cost should be under $130 for all items. Unless yer family is rich; but if yer rich you don’t live in Winnipeg.

Got an important Winnipeg event to attend?

Don’t be a d-bag.

Rep the look that is both in style & functional. The Winnipeg Tuxedo:

Check out this George brand 2 tone; spotted back in late November.

Note the denim on denim variation, a stunning blue on black.

You’re going to want to support that with a classy t-shirt.

It’z common to spot an all blue ensemble on a Saturday or Tuesday nite. The all black approach is reserved for weddings, funerals & Ozzy concerts.

The key pullin’ this classic tuxedo look is the shoes and, on special occasions, the gold chain. Shoe’s should be steel toed runners or dirty Reebok knock-offs and the gold chain should be thin & questionably gold.

Grab a 2 pack of novelty condoms and watch the pu$$y roll in.

BOOM*!

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Hockey is Religion on the Northcoast. The women of the land lust for their chance to court a stallion of the ice so they can breed & make more lil’ gretzky’s.

Once they have spawned, these fine females belong to an uber-class of mother who MUST wear the uniform.

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I BRING YOU
THE HOCKEY MOM

It'z a 1 - 2 - 3 of sex appeeel^(!

!_________________THIS LOOK IS A TRIPLE THREAT_________________!

1. The Hair :-: That shi~ needz to be bulldyke short & bleach blonde
2. Jacket :-: Short cut & improbable to close around the motherly bosom; Try Ricki’s if yer in the market.
3. Jeans :-: Keep ‘em light denim & too tight. Take this one for the team.

As with any good look;. there’s room to let it breathe. Spice in some fake tan & your best screaming voice and you’r on yer way to fittin’ in (!)

I was waiting for a coffee the other day when I realized I’d let the Office douche segment of this blog slide a bit.

So here you are:

Let thar bee douchieness^*!

This fresh specimen of office life hitz the douche scale in 4 key areas:

1. Shoes – every office ‘bag needs a shiny pair of square toes – CHECK!
2. Belt + Tuck – from the lunch room to the church pew, a must
3. Notebook — for pretending to listen at useless meetings. Notice the firm grasp of eagerness!
4. Biz Casual Dress shirt – notice the one undone button. It was a friday after all!*

How many years until he loses that eager glow?

As a part of our ongoing coverage of that guy that looks like Yanni; I bring you his Spring / Summer look:

Pull yer shorts high & let the hair blow in the breeze

This year’s collection combines thrift store aquamarine with a hard edge of hiking boots. He glides effortlessly down the sidewalk while he searches for an oboe melody in his mind.

I was on the bus from downtown admiring the beautiful pplz of winnerpeg when

!* BAM *!

There he was:

'Chameleons vary greatly in size and body structure' - Weinerpedia

This particular species appears to sweat profusely and is assumed to have taste for fried foods and anime. He appeared calm and undisturbed by the smell of pi$$ on the buss.

Personal style is one thing, but this is just yuck.

I know what to expect when going to trendy bars on Corydon but yeesh..

Look who's an individual!

“Hmm today I’m going to present myself to the world in a way that tells people that I know I’m cooler than my favourite band that you’ve never heard of”

I hope he was hiding a fatal headwound under that ill-fitting toque.

The lesson…douchebaggery in this degree exits.  So be aware.