HOLAY SHI~

It’s been a year*!

How; the f*ck; did that happen!?!?!?!?

All we can do a this point is rekolekt the best posts of the the year that wuz.

CHIK

CHIK

CHIKITY

CHECK IT OUT:

• We spotted Yanni
• Tha spring bum saw no shadow
• We Profiled the downtown office werker
• We even delved into the unknown that is St James
• & lest we forget Winnipeg Ridez
• Oh yeah & those Google Street View Winners; GO TEAM!

So like…

Thankz fo’ readin’ this shi~ & expect more Winnipeg Classicz to come.

~ yo King o’ Rock

I was at the Albert in Winnipeg, hoping to review a show. Due to the nature of the music, I decided to produce this short guide to running a successful frat rock band.

Step 1 – Music

Write some shitty songs that sound like your favorite band crossed with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. There is no genre that slap bass can not be added to.

Then take off your shirts and do every rock move you saw on your favorite Blink 182 DVD.

Also, make sure to mention that you were 'soooo f*cked up...' when you wrote your shitty songs. Hardcore.

Step 2 – Fans

You have to, have to, have to invite ur parents. If you happen upon a frat rock show, you’ll be able to spot the parents by their age, digital camera and general discomfort when the lead singer tells everyone he was fuct on coke when he wrote this one.

Parents. Check!

Step 3 – Image

We’ve already covered the main factors of shirts off and backwards hats, but lets not forget a skin routine.

Make sure to get the grease out before you hit the stage...

Voila*!

Frat Rock at the bar; cuzz keggers and house parties won’t get you to the top.

MMA has swept the nation and mobilized douchbags back into the gym to ‘work on the ground game’; but what happend to the real shi~?

You know… pro wrestling.  Costumes, characters ,  neck shattering top rope action*^!?!?!?

Enter New Brand Wrestling.

Devestating wrestle-crap from Mask Angellos & the family

Saturday’s event was up on the marquee at the Ellice Theatre.  As a childhood wrestle fan and resident of the neighborhood, it was my duty to check this shi~ out.

The card had all the ‘must have’ events:

• some ‘jobber matches’ where minor players duke it out
• a belt match – for the inter-provincial title of course
• the 20 man, over the top, rope battle royale

Although the stage was barely big enough for the ring, the crowd took no notice.  Little kids cheered for the good guys and jeered at the bad guys (often with some tiny middle fingers when yelling couldn’t completely get the point across).

There was an easy to h8, evil goth guy; a fan favorite (in sparkley trunks) and Winnipeg legend ::: the Great Pepito.

At the end of the night everyone who had fought and settled their scores returned to the ring for the battle royale.

Ohhhh tha carnage*#!

19 men entered.

1 Walked away.

and I forget his name, but he (fo r3al!) deserved the belt.

Bottom Line: A loser would call this event out of shape & overweight men living out their TV fantasies.  I would call it awesome*^!  This was theatre in its purest form.  There was drama, heckling and the potential to witness a life changing injury.

Word on the street is the next card is June 12th 2010 at the Ellice Theatre

It was only -15; so I took to the str33tz

Winnipeg has a rich history of art; artists; and people who wear berets. Lets put on our Art history toques and grab our brown bagz : it’s time to talk art.

Today’s piece is called No. 1 Northern. It’s currently sitting at Pioneer & Main; in front of some Guvernment grain building.

I found prime place to meditate on the yellowne$$

So this thing was designed by a RoughRiderz fan (boo!) named John Nugent and co$t 50 000. According to the plaque; it’s yellow because his in$piration came from the wheat fields of the prairies.

No indication as to why it is shaped that way.

Kinda like a school bus / crossed with lil kids slide*!?

Does the kids slide part represent the gentle rolling hills of his home province?

Does the school bus panel part represent the walls of prosperity that our great grain fields bring?

Does it’s bird like shape show us that… we, too, can fly!?

Honestly; I don’t know.

I don’t really get it.

The plaque says it’s a metaphor for grain; i.e. all of the above statements are true ‘cuz Ima sooo smrt*!

If you’re interested: You can read about this yellow anchors troubled past on this blog;
they did more research than me.

Often, when I see graffiti I am disappointed.

Why are these kids wasting perfectly good art supplies to be f#ckin skribbly morons?

However:

I was rollin’ through Osbourne when I saw this payphone:

Proving that the classics never go away*^*!

It speaks for itself; soooooo enjoy the weekend.