U Don Know Shi~

Another strike from the Winnipeg Streetz…

Is it a bird?

Is it a plane?

Nope.

It’s a grown man on a little kids bike; pedaling like he just stabbed his cousin’z gf at the rental.

I managed to catch this guy obeyin’ traffic lightz:

I'z added a loop of fire to make his bike more sensible...

ITS OFFICIAL: The big bike / little wheels trend is over.

Will the big man little bike catch one?

The stress of life gets to the best of us.

Is there beer in the fridge and Kraft Dinner on the table?

Did the guard dog slobber on your cousin’s baby when you weren’t looking?

Maybe you’re just worried your lil’ sister is preggo with that ‘gangster f*ck’s baby.

One solution.

Three Ingredients.

Chicken.

A team sized Slurpee.

& yer outdoor voice to bitch about your problems.

Can u belief he sayd tha 2 me*!?

Done.

Girls night out at Chicken Delight.

I was at the Albert in Winnipeg, hoping to review a show. Due to the nature of the music, I decided to produce this short guide to running a successful frat rock band.

Step 1 – Music

Write some shitty songs that sound like your favorite band crossed with the Red Hot Chili Peppers. There is no genre that slap bass can not be added to.

Then take off your shirts and do every rock move you saw on your favorite Blink 182 DVD.

Also, make sure to mention that you were 'soooo f*cked up...' when you wrote your shitty songs. Hardcore.

Step 2 – Fans

You have to, have to, have to invite ur parents. If you happen upon a frat rock show, you’ll be able to spot the parents by their age, digital camera and general discomfort when the lead singer tells everyone he was fuct on coke when he wrote this one.

Parents. Check!

Step 3 – Image

We’ve already covered the main factors of shirts off and backwards hats, but lets not forget a skin routine.

Make sure to get the grease out before you hit the stage...

Voila*!

Frat Rock at the bar; cuzz keggers and house parties won’t get you to the top.

I dropped by Juniors downtown yesterday to review the Fat boy for our ever popular lunch reviews section.

Unfortunately the burger experience was overshadowed by this guy:

He kept asking ‘Why are you dancing?’ and other shi~ that only Winnipeg’s finest can throw down.

But don’t worry… I’ll try again soon.

Holy Shi~*!

It was a late night of binge drinkin’ when I rolled past Giant Pizza and decided to stop by for a bite.

Hmmmm.... thinkz I'll get the Pepperoni

This place is a classic sign of the neighborhood.

• cheap chicken
• cheap pizza
• cheap prices

I opted for the 2 slices of GIANT PIZZA*! for 2.50$.

that'z not very Giant

REVIEW:
It was 4 definite heat lamp cooked. Toppings were well distributed and the crust wasn’t too doughy. After 9 Lucky lagers it is delish. Otherwise, I would recommend trying to get it fresh.

Bottom Line:
You get what you pay for.

It’s been awhile since we delved in the douchery of downtown Winnipeg’s office culture, so I went on a special mission to find a hero.

Ever wonder who your tax $$$ employs?

I’m thinking; this guy:

We can't all be number 1

If you’re gonna wade through the shi~ of the civil service you want them pants pulled high.  

ALSO : : His slouchy posture and scruffy face make sure he doesn’t stand out and reassures you that he’ll keep things moving at the status quo.

Question:

What’s cheaper: Spray Paint or Posters?

…
..
.
Answer:

Spray Paint:

Now an Annual Event

Who’s NOT going?

As a part of our ongoing coverage of that guy that looks like Yanni; I bring you his Spring / Summer look:

Pull yer shorts high & let the hair blow in the breeze

This year’s collection combines thrift store aquamarine with a hard edge of hiking boots. He glides effortlessly down the sidewalk while he searches for an oboe melody in his mind.

I was on Portage Ave, searching for a cold brew and some food.  Someone suggested the Chocolate Shop.

Seeing as tho I hadn’t been there since my ‘on pills for being crazy‘ ex-gf did an embarrassingly heavy Kareoke of Zombie, I figured ‘why not‘.

.

..

…

Brew wise, they kept it simple.  Labbatt Blue or Budweiser.

Food wise, there was only one choice: the ‘Rez burger’.

Check it:

cheapea$t shi~ on tha menu

A Winnipeg classic?

Unfortunately, I do not know.

They were out of bologna and it hadn’t occurred to anyone to roll over to GT & get some more…

Thus, I got chicken fingers in bannock instead.

Dissappointment

The ‘bannock’ was more of a dry flat-bread than the traditional bannock I’ve had in the past. Overall this sandwich was dry and bland. The fries were greasy enough to be fries.

Score: 1.3 / 5

MMA has swept the nation and mobilized douchbags back into the gym to ‘work on the ground game’; but what happend to the real shi~?

You know… pro wrestling.  Costumes, characters ,  neck shattering top rope action*^!?!?!?

Enter New Brand Wrestling.

Devestating wrestle-crap from Mask Angellos & the family

Saturday’s event was up on the marquee at the Ellice Theatre.  As a childhood wrestle fan and resident of the neighborhood, it was my duty to check this shi~ out.

The card had all the ‘must have’ events:

• some ‘jobber matches’ where minor players duke it out
• a belt match – for the inter-provincial title of course
• the 20 man, over the top, rope battle royale

Although the stage was barely big enough for the ring, the crowd took no notice.  Little kids cheered for the good guys and jeered at the bad guys (often with some tiny middle fingers when yelling couldn’t completely get the point across).

There was an easy to h8, evil goth guy; a fan favorite (in sparkley trunks) and Winnipeg legend ::: the Great Pepito.

At the end of the night everyone who had fought and settled their scores returned to the ring for the battle royale.

Ohhhh tha carnage*#!

19 men entered.

1 Walked away.

and I forget his name, but he (fo r3al!) deserved the belt.

Bottom Line: A loser would call this event out of shape & overweight men living out their TV fantasies.  I would call it awesome*^!  This was theatre in its purest form.  There was drama, heckling and the potential to witness a life changing injury.

Word on the street is the next card is June 12th 2010 at the Ellice Theatre