U Don Know Shi~

Sooooooooo Manitoba is a “have not” province;;

Yet,

I’m walking through downtown Winnipeg the other day & this piece of absolute Blang! is sittin’ in the Impark Lot.

Just u wait 'til you see tha watch tha goes wit' it!**!

(?) R U STOOPID (?)

This is an 8th generation Buick Riviera .!. The Very Pinnacle of Supervisor Ca$ish .!.

Electing 4 speed over sport;; this Central Divisional Manager cut the convertible top for the hardshell;;; THEN went tha extra Mile wit that Time honored oxide fade on the front fenders.

(! BOOOOM *!)

I managed to talk a small group of fellow shi~headz into attending a Winnipeg Goldeyes game & girl o’boy was we in for a treat.

Hottest.

B1tchez..

Eva…

When they sing take me out the ball game, it’s hard to feel a lil’ Louisville Slugger in tha ol’ sweat pantz…

Kno wha a meen(!(!*!?

Imagine that Big tush squeezin’ up beside you as you ride the 11 over to Juniors for a phat boy; her mullet blowin’ in the wind. Feather earrings gently flowin’ like yer favorite Kilowatt track on dusky porch…

**sigh**

Honestly, I’m not sure why I even write text for the Office Douche of the week posts anymore. too often; the picture speaks for itself.
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get
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Ready*!
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When I die, fuck it I wanna go to hell Cause I'm a piece of shit, it ain't hard to fuggn' tell

• Bible Belt chic haircut - sweeeet burnz
• pencil thin belt (4 a penc1l dykk l1fstyle)
• key card – so b!tchez no you got access

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This guy won his Douche-tastic title by talking about his VW and being an a$shat to his wife & kid <<
(see suburban stroller style in the BG)
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Not rich enough 4 our Lunch reviews section?? I spotted this tidy little pairing while walking past the Safeway in Osbourne Village.

• Mini Ravioli – like revenge, best served cold
• apple – unwashed so you can get all the waxxy goodness

It’s all there; vitamins, minerals & if you’re smart about it;; it won’t even cost you 3 dollars.

Who can argue with that?

The cool breeze is drifting; we’r headin’ FULL SPEED towardz Summer in Winnipeg*!!

… but
.. wait
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WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO WEAR (?!)

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…

Well, dear shi~headz… You Are In Luck.

I was strolling down portage avenue the other day where I was lucky enough to get a glimpse of what’z hot for 2k11.

di$count everything fashion show (!) ?

As you can see, the trend continues; Imperfect Models are In.

Color scheme(s) will be “grey on gray” with the occasional addition green, orange or puke for flair. Garment cuts continue to be of the loose, don’t give a f*k variety and motorcycle anything still goes.

Don’t beaLOSER (!) clean out the couch & get yerself into this look now *!*

I’m going to shift gears from my focus on winter fashion and bring it back to what really matters…

FOOD!*%!!

Let me set the scene.
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It was a lazy hangover Sunday & the Queen needed to drive to some godforsaken part of St Vital. We stopped at the Red Top Diner ‘cuz breakfast was a precondition for my company.
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Anyway. The Red Top Diner is a classic Manitoban greasy (greasy, greasssy) spoon. It’s got all the essential pieces.

keep tha grea$e commin'

Wood grain everything… Check.
Crusty, yet friendly, lady staff… Check.
Signage that used to be white… Check.

Now let’z get down 2 bidness… The FOOD:

I opted for the ‘cheese dog’ + a coffee. It’s an e$$ential part of what I call ‘the evacuation’ hangover cure.

mmmmmmMmm... feel them arteries thicken

This delicantsy is pretty straight forward. Grilled hotdog on a bun with ketchup, mustard, relish, onions and (of course) cheese!

I couldn’t tell you how much it cost; since I refused to pay from the start of the trip; but I would estimate it to be around $10.

I wouldn’t call it a ‘mind blowing’ dawg; but it filled a hole in my stomach & got me over that first wave of hangover. If you’re into greasy breakfast, this might just be the place for you.

Bottom Line:
Price: 3.5 / 5
Taste: 3.8 / 5
Grease Factor: 5 / 5

May as$ well, eh?

Last post, I took a final look at womens fashion in Winnipeg (where winter is concerned).

So b4 we take the hot leap forward into summer, here’s one for that fella’s……

Winter Warrior *!($)!*

This mf pretty much has. it. NAILED#^!

1. The Suit: – All weather – Insulated – with tear away pants & a sick a$$ racing stripe down the side. aka donfukwitdis*^!
2. Head Gear: – $5 sunglasses battle snow blindness while a wool hat to keep the heat in
3. Headphones: – yes, technically could fall under item 2; but are important enough to get it’s own point. Metal is his life blood.

+2 for the ’stache that lets anyone asking for your change, or used bus transfer know they got to back up & shut up.

Bring on tha summer!!!!

Winter iz almost over (cross fingerz / pray)

But for the sake of ensuring’ yer ready for next year’s cold as shi~ spell; here’s a guid to how to dress.

For Her.

Stay warm & ok looking

The Loook :::

1. Skinny jeans. Body shape is never a consideration.
2. Parka with fur or faux fur trim. Bad for peripheral vision; great for facial warmth.
3. Backpack (preferably janSport or Spotek) to carry you’re feminist poetry and cheap ass beer or wine.
4. Coffee cup for tea; or coffee with hard booze in it (its cold afterall)

Total cost should be under $130 for all items. Unless yer family is rich; but if yer rich you don’t live in Winnipeg.

Wuzzup shi~ headz*!?

It is that special speshull spe…..

What wuz I talkin’ about?

4 20 in WINNIPEG*!*!*!*!*!*

Marz & I did this report to help you better understand the common man’s holidhay

As you can see; it was easily as magical as last yearz event.

Got an important Winnipeg event to attend?

Don’t be a d-bag.

Rep the look that is both in style & functional. The Winnipeg Tuxedo:

Check out this George brand 2 tone; spotted back in late November.

Note the denim on denim variation, a stunning blue on black.

You’re going to want to support that with a classy t-shirt.

It’z common to spot an all blue ensemble on a Saturday or Tuesday nite. The all black approach is reserved for weddings, funerals & Ozzy concerts.

The key pullin’ this classic tuxedo look is the shoes and, on special occasions, the gold chain. Shoe’s should be steel toed runners or dirty Reebok knock-offs and the gold chain should be thin & questionably gold.

Grab a 2 pack of novelty condoms and watch the pu$$y roll in.

BOOM*!

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